I rented Pontypool yesterday.  I feel bad for my friend, we watched it together, and he rented it on my recommendation.  I felt like a fool. It was that bad. This is obviously a Canadian film, besides being filmed in Canada (not that it would have mattered where you filmed it) and being scripted by Tony Burgess, the Canadian author of the book that the movie was based on, it had NO BUDGET.  None. What. So. Ever.  They probably filmed this whole thing over a long weekend with about $500.

Foolishly I had assumed that the movie would in some way resemble at least one of the story lines from the book. It did not.  The only things that were remotely related to the book was the use of the word Pontypool (it's a small town in Ontario), some of the characters names, and how the Zombi-ness if caused/spread.  Other than that, there was really no relation.  In the book there is mention of a radio station, and the first main character does a police interview in the basement of a church.  So then from that, the movie adopted  the use of a church basement, and a radio station.

Sorry to spoil it if you're actually considering seeing this film, but THE WHOLE FUCKING THING TAKES PLACE IN A CHURCH BASEMENT!!!!  Other than the opening of the movie where the radio station host is driving himself to the church, the rest of the movie you get to hear descriptions and sound effects of the action that you would WANT to see in the movie, but no, oh hell no, you don't get to see any of it.  I guess the budget was too small, so instead of seeing the action, it is described to you while you watch the DJ describe it to the radio audience.  Worst idea.  The only good part of the movie is when the two main characters beat a young girl to death.  You know a movie sucks when that's the best part.  What was even worse than that was that when they were beating the infected girl, the camera focuses on the WALL above what is going on, so again,  you are treated to sound effects but nada on the visuals.

I don't know who's terrible idea it was to make a movie this way, but hopefully they will never be allowed to do so again.  I spent the first 30 minutes of the film waiting for them to show something outside of the radio station/church basement.  Once they ushered in a band of white people in brownface dressed like terrorists to sing a song on the radio I gave up.  I just KNEW we weren't going to see anything good.  The book could have potentially been adapted into a watchable movie, but they failed.  I can't even bring myself to write anymore about it.

It should have come with a warning:  This film has no action.  Acting is minimal at best.  Don't expect to see any Zombie carnage.

I give this movie .5/10

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Sooooooo, I had the chance yesterday to see the movie adaptation of Pontypool Changes Everything, Pontypool.  The script was written by Tony Burgess as well as the book, not that you could really tell.  I'll start with the book, I spent a lot of time today at work really thinking about why I didn't like this book.  It had Zombies, PLUS it was set in rural Ontario/Toronto, which was my original interest in the story to begin with.  Who doesn't want to read about Zombie madness taking place in their hometown?  I was SO excited to read this book. Why then, did it take me almost three months to finish reading a book that was under three hundred pages long?

The answer I believe is that although the book is represented as one full length novel, it actually reads more like a series of short stories.  All of the stories involve the same Zombie outbreak, but each individual's story is pretty much read from beginning to end, and then it's on to another unrelated story of a new character who is also dealing with the Zombie madness.  I think that's ultimately why I didn't like this book.  I detest short stories, and it read too much like a book of short stories than it did a novel.  When I first started the book I tore through the first hundred pages, and it was around the end of those that I first noticed something was amiss.  The book opens with a man from small town Ontario first noticing the outbreak, and you follow him on his heroic journey to Toronto where his ex and baby boy are now living.  He races around downtown Toronto amidst military and Zombies alike and finally does rescue and escape with his baby son...who happens to be addicted to heroin, but that's beside the point.  I realized things were going awry when the main character was bitten by a Zombie before page 100.  Everyone knows what that means, you turn, game over, do not pass go, do not collect $200, nothing left but eating brains for you buddy.

But he doesn't turn, because this isn't that sort of Zombie-ness.  This is a more evolved Zombie sickness...it travels through words, and you catch it by conversing in, and the understanding of, the English language.  It's far more complicated than that.  I read the explanation of the Zombie causing what-have-you (because it's not a virus) at least three times, and I still do not fully understand it.  But you don't get it by being bitten.  That didn't help our original main character, he dies shortly into the first hundred pages anyways.

Then we move on to another character, and read their story all the way through, then another, and another, until finally the final two story lines converge and a young girl living in an old fishing hut and having an incestuous relationship with her brother (I think their ages are about 12 and 15) hacks a t.v. personality from Toronto to death because she thinks he's a Zombie.  He was really just there to show the fishing hut to his intern, for reasons which I don't believe are ever full explained.  Then comes the kicker, which made me really hate this book.  She gives birth to some sort of mutant incest baby which runs away as soon as it's born, tearing it's own umbilical cord out of it's mother as it runs for the hills.  Then some hunters kill the kids who were hiding in the hut (oh did I mention the kids were also eating Zombie flesh to survive?) and then boom, the book is over. None too soon if you ask me.

There are so many things about the kids' story line that I hated.  Besides the incest (who has sex with their brother just because you're confined in a fishing hut for about a year?)  Who decides that they're going to start eating Zombie flesh?  Learn to fish people!  The worst part though is that the Zombie outbreak had been contained and the kids were hiding out in the hut for about 11 months too long.  If they'd just snuck into the nearest town to check things out, they would have been rescued.  Idiots.  Then the crazy mutant fetus which essentially runs off into the hills and then to the bottom of a lake...no reason for that in the story at all. 

I give this book a 5/10.  I guess it's not it's fault that I hate short stories, or novels made up of short stories pretending to be novels.

ireadbooks: (Default)
( Jul. 26th, 2009 06:15 pm)
I also FINALLY finished reading Pontypool Changes Everything by Tony Burgess.  I had read about a Zombie movie called Pontypool that was filmed in 2008 and was going to be released on video July 21 or so. I was interested because it took place in Ontario, and involved Zombies in Toronto.  A few days later I was shelving books at work and came across Pontypool Changes Everything.

Pontypool isn't a word/name you see everyday so I read the back of the book and sure enough, the  movie I had just been reading about was based on this book.  Excellent (or so I thought), I took the book home and was very excited to read it.  This was about 3 months ago. I'll write my thoughts about it later, but I just wanted to add that I had finished reading that book as well, on top of all the others mentioned in the last post...no matter how hard it was to force myself to finish that particular one.  Now that I did though, I don't even know if I'm interested in seeing the movie anymore...


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So, It's been a really long time since I posted, but I've been reading in that time....since my last post I have read:

Monster Island
Monster Nation
Monster Planet
  all written by David Wellington

Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane

Undead and Unwelcome by MaryJanice Davidson

Dead and Gone by Charlaine Harris

The Grave Yard Book by Neil Gaiman

ReVamped by J.F. Lewis

'Salem's Lot by Stephen King (I reread this actually because I know I have read it many years ago, but I was interested in reading it again)

And I am now currently reading The Story of King Arthur and His Knights by Howard Pyle.

Most importantly though, I found out that in addition to the sequel of P&P&Z, they will be bringing out a P&P with V (ampires).  Should be interesting, but the best part is that P&P&Z was such a success they are going to create twists on other classic novels, the first of which will be Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.  It will be written by a different author than P&P&Z, so I don't know if it will be as good, but it promises to include sea monsters and pirates, things which I enjoy, so even if it isn't written very well I will still probably enjoy it.  Entertainment Weekly says it will be available in September, so I'll be looking forward to that.


I was just adding Pride and Prejudice and Zombies to my list of books I've read on Goodreads, and I was surprised when my search results came up and the title Pride and Prejudice and Zombies 2 by Seth Grahame-Smith was listed as well.  The limited info I could find said that it will be available September 2009! Also they're listing a "Deluxe Family Heirloom Edition" too that will be available soon.  By the way, I forgot to mention in the review that P&P&Z was also illustrated, in case you had trouble picturing the zombie mayhem.  Perhaps in the Deluxe edition the pictures will be in colour.  I don't know if the sequel will be any good, since it's now solely the creation of Mr. Grahame-Smith, but I know I'll read it anyways.  Also, if you are interested in knowing more about the first book, here is the blurb from chapters.indigo.ca:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies -- "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Can she vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak, swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read.

And if you want to pre-order part 2 click the link
www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1594744424 and if you want to see what the cover of the deluxe family heirloom edition will look like or pre-order it go here www.amazon.ca/gp/product/1594744513

Well, for some reason Dreamwidth will not let me upload a photo.  That sucks.  The photo will show on my live journal account, which I suggest you read instead of this.   I joined this site on the recommendation of a friend, it’s not terrible, but it could be better, much, much better.  Which it probably will be in about a decade or so.  For now I suggest you read my blog here: http://miss-aj.livejournal.com/  It is way better and much more professional looking (because professional is how I roll).

Anyways, moving on to the main event.  Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (currently number 4 on the trade paperback New York Times Best Seller List http://www.nytimes.com/pages/books/bestseller/ )  YAY!  I’m talking about a book that’s relevant to the masses!

Sunday night I had the pleasure (?) of watching the 2005 movie starring Kiera Knightly (it is her, not Pirate girl, I checked the credits) as Elizabeth Bennet.  They probably chose her because she already has an English accent.  I did read something relating to the whole “Jessica Biel says she’s too hot so directors won’t cast her in their movies boo hoo hoo debacle” where Knightly concurred with Biel by saying that the directors didn’t want to cast her as Elizabeth (who isn’t supposed to be super pretty) because she was…..GASP! too pretty! 

Who cares, honestly, directors have committed worse crimes while adapting books into movies than to cast someone who doesn’t exactly fit the part.  Like when Twilight came out and (UUUGHHH, I know, I promised myself I would keep the Twilight talk to a minimum on here.  No one needs to know just how mentally 17 I really am) people where PISSED that Taylor Lautner was cast as Jacob, but guess what?!?! Now the second movie is coming out and fans are shitting their pants because Jacob is so hot and perfect for the part and blah, blah, blah.  Goes to show you that fans don't always know best, and that maybe someone who doesn't exactly fit the physical character description can do just as good a job...sorry, I’ve gotten off topic. 

P&P.  The movie.   It was…good?  I guess it included all the pertinent plot points, all the pivotal scenes, and I understood the classic love story that was unfolding before my eyes (if anyone was wrongly cast in this movie it would have been Mr. Darcy)...but imagine my disappointment when (GASP) no one was eaten by zombies at the first ball…Elizabeth never defeated a single ninja, she didn’t carry her katana and not one carriage driver was dragged off into the picturesque English countryside by a hoard of unmentionables!  No cabbages were mistaken for tasty brains! At no point did any character even subject themselves to the Seven Cuts of Dishonor!  There were no games of Kiss Me Deer! To say I was disappointed is an understatement.

The story and movie, without the zombie plotline, is kinda lack-luster for this day and age. I daresay there was a complete absence of death and dismemberment, not to mention swordplay.  Yes, I get that there was a great love story being told, but the same great love story was told in P&P&Z, but with the ZOMBIES! There was just a lot more sappy love story in the movie (as I can only assume in the book), when it could have been a spectacular brain gobbling story of magnificence on top of a love story.

Not that the story itself is bad.  It’s quite good, if a little out dated.  A classic is exactly how I would put it.  I’ll tell you what I would have changed if I’d re-written it.  I’d have had Elizabeth behead her mother after about the first three chapters.  Her actions in the movie were even more accentuated, which made me hate her even more.  No one bothers me quite as much in this book as Mrs. Bennet.  I cannot stand people with no shame.  And she has NONE.

What I did notice about Mr. Grahame-Smith, however, is that he borrows heavily from Kill Bill, or at least that’s what I thought about a lot of his “training in the deadly arts” references in the book.  Besides that I think he did a wonderful job of seamlessly writing a zombie killing, ninja battling, beheading of your enemies plot into an already well known classic, without losing any of its original glory. The Zombie excursion can only be accused of fortifying the ever present themes of pride, honor, prejudice, exclusivity and love while at the same time adding that much more action and adventure.

If you have already read P&P and think that reading P&P&Z would be a waste of time, you are wrong.  While it is the same story that you've always known, you have no idea how this seemingly mundane classic love story can easily be adapted into one with far more zombie nail biting suspense.  The only element that frustrated me was that in order to stick with the original plot there wasn’t much room for excessive zombie madness, which would have been most welcome, in my opinion.

Here are a few of the plotlines which end differently (but still with similar outcomes so that none of the original story is lost):

Elizabeth’s reaction to Mr. Darcy’s original proposal

Everything that happens to Mr. and Mrs. Collins

Elizabeth’s final confrontation with Lady Catherine

Mr. Wickham’s final destination and disposition after his marriage to Lydia

The first ball where Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingly meet the Bennets

Most cross country trips

There are more of course, they just escape me at the moment.  Overall I think this was a genius piece of literature and I commend Mr. Grahame-Smith for his ingenuity.  But how could someone doubt his writing prowess after reading his credentials (as printed on the back of the book) “Seth Grahame-Smith once took a class in English literature.”  Sounds like my kind of guy.  I once took a class in English literature...

I can see this becoming a new genre for him.  Re-writing the classics, but with more exciting plotlines interwoven. 

I can also see a movie deal in the future, and I can tell you, I would see that movie.  Even if they cast someone “too attractive” for the role (Jessica Biel, I’m looking at you – you did a Blade movie, so why not a Classic love story with Zombies? Respectability and your usual genre?!?).  Let’s hope it does get made into a movie, perhaps without JB, but at least it would be a somewhat original idea, better than taking anything that made a buck in the 80’s or 90’s and remaking it with new people, that’s for sure.

I give this book a 4/5.

I want to give it a 5...but I just feel that there is something better out there....I just don't know what it is yet.

ireadbooks: (Default)
( Jun. 10th, 2009 06:32 pm)

I don't know if any of you watch the show, if you don't you probably should.  If you like vampires, murder, mystery and hot sex scenes, then you definitely should.  For those of you who don’t know, it’s an HBO series that premiered…uh, tried looking it up, but couldn’t get an answer fast enough…so we’ll say some time last year.  It’s based on the popular Southern Vampire novels written by Charlaine Harris.  You can read about them here: http://www.charlaineharris.com/bibliography/bibliog-sookie.html

I personally have already read the first 8 books, mostly because I hate waiting…for anything.  I will tell you though, if you read the books it will spoil what is going to happen on the show, not all of it, but a pretty good portion.  They’re actually quite good at following the plotline of the books, or at least so far.  Obviously there are minor differences, but that can’t be helped when making books into tv/movies.  Season 1 is available on DVD, and I suggest you watch it.  Season 2 is premiering this Sunday on HBO in Canada and the US. 

This actually surprises me, as usually US networks that have a Canadian affiliate make the Canadians wait months to see what is readily available in the States.  Perhaps American networks have picked up on the fact that if a show airs earlier in the US Canadians will just watch it on the internet, which means less $$$$$ for the networks.  Glad it only took HBO a few years to figure this out.  Hopefully other networks will hop on the bandwagon and stop acting like Canada is some third world nation that can’t be kept up to date with popular television (I'm looking at you ABC, CBS and all the other US stations that won't let me watch your videos because my IP address is "outside your region").  We’re not England you know (just kidding).

So, the 9th book in the sseries, Dead and Gone has just come out.  I didn’t realize this, so now I’m like number 175 out of 200 people waiting to get it at the library.  I have just discovered that the first chapter is posted on her web-site here: http://www.charlaineharris.com/deadandgone.html  so I’ll be reading that when I’m done with this.  But, once I get the new book I will tell you all about it. 

If you do watch True Blood, but haven't seen the trailer for Season 2 here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLkQnotUD7g

This is the first of many things I am waiting to premiere this summer*, the other two that readily come to mind are Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and Dead Snow.  I will post about Dead Snow later.
 


*not to mention having to wait until November 20th to see the new Twilight movie.

ireadbooks: (Default)
( Jun. 9th, 2009 09:33 pm)
Success!!!  I searched, found and posted an icon.....and this time it worked!  YAHOO!
Well, needless to say, I'm pissed, so FUCKING angry.  I just spent an HOUR writing the review, and then right at the end I accidentally hit the wrong button and POOF my whole review was gone.  And I can't get it back.  Fucking shit fuck shit is all I have to say.  Tears were shed, and my laptop hung in the balance of being smashed into little itty bitty pieces.  But my self-interest in not having to shell out another $1000 for a new laptop prevailed and the laptop lives on.  Motherfucker. 1991, we will have to discuss where I may be able to find saved drafts of posts at work when I next see you.  Below I will re-write a shorter version of the original post. FUUUUUUUCK.

Also I would like to urge everyone who reads this to get a library card and take books out of you local library instead of buying them.  Your tax money pays for library books, so why not get something for free (or more accurately that you have already paid for) from your local library.  That is all.

Well, this book starts out with a familiar JG theme.  Big Business has screwed the little guy (in this book, as in many of JG's the little guys are poor people in the south) and have been dumping toxic chemicals into the small town de jour's ravine behind their chemical plant, and it's made it's way into the water supply. The people who have been drinking it now have cancer or have already died.  Fun stuff.  I wondered why, if as described, the water was brown and stank like shit, anyone would drink it, but of course I'm not poor (relatively speaking) and from the south, so I guess I can't identify with the little guys too well in this book. 

What's different about this novel is that instead of having to read through the whole song and dance of a trial, it's already ended and the verdict is read within the first 20 pages or so.  Yahoo, the little guy is awarded muchos $$$$$ for losing her husband and son to cancer which they got from drinking brown shitty polluted water.  Said woman doesn't play much of a part in the book, her main function I guess it to start the lawsuit which will lead to the APPEAL.  The real main characters in this book are the mom and pop lawyer team that took the case pro-bono because the mom half of the team was born and raised close to, if not in, the afore mentioned town de jour.  Once the verdict is read, of course Big Business APPEAL's and the plot revolves around Big Business's struggle to purchase itself a seat on the Supreme Court of Mississippi in order to swing the vote their way and have the verdict reversed. 

At first I thought that mom and pop lawyer team were to be the heroes in this tale, since it's told that they have bankrupted themselves and their law firm in order to pursue the case.  They need the APPEAL to be rejected so they can get paid, and so that the little guy can see justice served.  But, by page 40 I no longer like mom and pop.   Turns out that due to low funds, they have hired an illegal nanny to watch their kids, and are allowing her to drive said kids around town UNLICENSED and WITHOUT INSURANCE.  Perhaps in the States it's kosher to hire illegals and let them drive around unlicensed and uninsured, but for me that little fact pretty much killed it.  Mom and pop lost my vote
.

The book continues on with allusions to secret companies, people buying $20 million pieces of crappy art to appease their trophy wives, and crazy religious people.  There's even a riverboat involved.  While I was nearing the end of the book I started to worry, there were only a few chapters left, and it's looking like Big Business is going to prevail.  I was waiting and waiting for the inevitable plot twist designed to both surprise and shock you, while at the same time allowing the good guys to win.  Just when I had decided that no such twist would appear, and that this was probably the most dull JG books I've ever read, BAM the twist happens.  It's unexpected and shocking, but in the end not enough.  Pretty much a let down. 

If I had wanted to read about Big Business royally screwing the little guy and getting away with it scot-free, well then I would have bought a newspaper instead.  I read fiction for a reason, and this piece of fiction was just too non-fiction-y for me. This read too much like a book about the actual goings on in the United States than a fiction novel.  Maybe that was JG's premise, to write a book of truths under the guise of it being fiction, something about the actual state of the US.  Wish I'd known, because then I wouldn't have bothered to read it.  Actually, now that I think of it, the only reason I read it was because I had thought that it was the newest JG novel that was going to the big screen.  I was wrong, that's The Associate which will star mini Indiana Jones and involve a gang rape.  Probably more action in that one than in The Appeal.

I give this book a 1/5.

Currently I have no user pic.  This is because I haven't taken it yet.  I will soon.  I promise.

The next book I will be reviewing is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  Yes, you read that correctly.  It's written by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith.  It's 75% Austen (or so friend told me she read in the newspaper) and 25% Zombie awesomeness.  I have not read the original P & P, so after finishing P & P & Z I quizzed my brother's gf Salad about it, since she apparently read and really enjoyed the original.  Needless to say, most of the good parts I asked her about never occurred in the original.  That sucks.  So, for the sake of saving time (I have like 50 books I want to read right now) I rented the P & P movie starring Kiera Knightly (or it could be Natalie Portman, they are pretty much one and the same person to me) in order to do a comparison in the review.  I will be watching that tonight, so hopefully I can get a review up by mid-next week. 

Also, I wanted to read the classics this summer, just because I've finally finished my grad degree and have some free time, so why not, BUT newer more interesting books keep popping up at work (I work in a library) and I want to read those.  I am currently reading Wuthering Heights.  I literally had to print out a family tree from the internet in order to keep track of the characters, but after I made it past that little bump in the road the reading isn't that bad.  More on that later though.

ireadbooks: (Default)
( Jun. 2nd, 2009 07:06 pm)
This is my first post. I am going to review books that I read. The first book that I read was The Appeal by John Grisham. I picked it up at work because I was bored, and started to read it because I (mistakenly) thought that it was the newest Grisham novel to get the big screen treatment, I was wrong, that's his other book The Associate. So the review will be coming soon.
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